Dorian Grey

I had the misfortune to come across a friend of mines web page. On this web page they had posted some photographs they had taken. Three of them were of me.
If that wasn't disturbing enough all three (taken apparently in succession) were some pretty bad photos of me. I looked like death warmed over.
People are always getting on to me for refusing to have my picture taken but then something like this comes up. It reminds me why I don't have my picture taken. If I don't get seen then I can pretend I am not fugly.
Okay, fugly is a bit of a stretch, but I hate the way I look. When I get ready for work in the mornings I only use a mirror to focus on the bits and parts I am doing at the time. Like if I am shaving I pay attention to my jaw and only my jaw. Brushing teeth, combing hair, whatever I only pay attention to that particular part of my face not the whole thing.
When I see a picture of me I have to see my whole face. Ugh. That is an image I work hard to avoid. If I do happen across one I obsess about the flaws.
I look at it like a Dorian Grey syndrome. If I don't see it I can drift through life oblivious to my flaws but when I do see it, well Dorian aged and died I just obsess and get depressed.
Eventually a good friend of mine is suppose to take current photos of me. However, it will be in a very controlled situation so I can pick and choose and then eliminate any that don't make the cut.
It really brings the phrase, "We are all our own worst critics." to a new high huh?

(okay, I am aware of the contradiction in my blogs. i hate my picture taken and i am trying to set up video blogs. well, that's just me. a walking, talking contradiction.)