Everywhere you look there is a person proclaiming the right to do this, or the right not to be forced to do that. You know, the right to choose. Whether it is abortion (for or against), marriage (equal for all or allowed for only a select group), politics (Obama or Clinton or McCain). We, as Americans, even have the right to choose where we live.
I recently saw an interview with a person who believes all these choices people think they have are actually fabrications. They stated when you go into a grocery store you see all the different apples and think you have many choices. The truth is there really are only three different types of apples (for the most part) in grocery stores to choose from.
Take political candidates. You think you are choosing the next president, Congressional Representative or even Senator. But the truth is you get to select from only those candidates that are provided. If Joe Smith cannot afford to advertise they are not invited to any debates nor does the media really mention them. Eventually this candidate drops out. Or in the presidential campaign. If you are not elected by the Democratic convention or Republican convention then you have no chance of becoming president. So unless you choose a Democrat or a Republican nominee then you are not really getting to choose anything. Even when you do vote for president it's the state's delegates that actually choose not the voters.
You have heard of it before. 2000 presidential election in Florida. Gore won the popular vote (or had the highest number of votes cast by the voters) but Bush was selected by the state's delegates. So Bush won the state.
I guess it's better to say as Americans we have choices. It's just we must select from the choices given to us, not neccessarily the choice we may want.
So where am I going with this?
I am currently choosing to not date. I am choosing to not seek out and have a relationship. However, looking at it from the point of view that I have to select from the options presented to me this is how my decision came about.
I am presented with these options;
1. Date the first person that comes along
2. Be more choosier but only so far as the limited selection as I am presented
3. Just have random sex with little to no selectiveness
4. Have random sex but with some selectivness
5. Not date and tell everyone you are holding out for the right person
Okay, those aren't the selections I want but that's what I am given. So I choose not to date. I would rather be alone than settle. Trust me I have done it before and it always comes out badly. Oh, I'm not a one night stand kind of guy so none of the random sex choices work for me either.
Here's my problem. My choices are limited now. Every year I get older and my choices for compatible love interest become more and more limited. One day there will come a time when I will need to just accept (or, *laugh*, choose to) I will be alone for the rest of my life.
Want to know the funny part?
I'm actually okay with that.
What's funnier is that I am okay with that right now. Next week maybe I won't be, then the week after I will be and so on. I bounce up and down on the whole subject. No wonder it's such a difficult endeavor to date me. It's practically impossible to predict what I want or when I will want it.
Now, if I only had as much to offer as to equal out the difficulty of dating me. Then we would be cooking with oil.
Until then I am choosing not to date and holding out for the right person to come along or for me to find.
(see, I almost believe it myself)
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Battle of Midway
I have a monumental day approaching.
I call it 'Midway' day.
There is not a lot of happiness associated with this day. It's special every year but this year it's actually something bigger. Every year it is a disappointment, to say the least. I fear this year it may be even worse.
Yeah, you probably figured out I am talking about my birthday. Every year since I can remember this day (my birthday) has been anywhere from mildly annoying to disastrous.
For example, there were at least three, not two, not one, birthdays while I was a teenager my birthday was completely forgotten by everyone except me. There was another (beyond the three I just mentioned) that was forgotten and I made the mistake of bringing it up and pointing out the others that were forgotten.
Yeah, the mistake. It was a mistake because I was verbally castrated for mentioning it. The main argument was that the birthday was not forgotten it was celebrated. Problem was when the birthday was described in detail to prove I was wrong the birthday described was in fact my sister's not mine. Me and my big mouth pointed that out. The next year at least my mother was kind enough to tell me she was not going to celebrate my birthday that year. At least then it couldn't be said it was forgotten.
After high school I entered the Navy. My first birthday in the Navy I received no letters, cards or phone calls. No one knew it was my birthday.
My second I was out in the middle of the Atlantic. I watched as everyone around me opened packages from family, friends and what not. Packages received just because the person was missed not for any special reason. I got a phone bill in the mail.
By my third birthday in the Navy my friends in the military actually tried to celebrate my birthday. It was not a bad year. People actually cared that year (okay, so they were more concerned about having a reason to get drunk but I'm easy to please by this point.)
My mother actually told me we would celebrate my birthday when I came home to visit. It seemed maybe she had changed a little.
I returned to her home for a visit and no mention was made about my birthday. I waited, waited, waited, oh and I waited. No card, no cupcake. Nothing. The day before I was set to return to Florida I brought it up. I was told I was being selfish and no such promise was ever made.
From then on I expected nothing for my birthday. Not even for people to notice. It seemed though, the more I tried to pretend it wasn't important to me the more important it was. I got to where I would begin becoming desperately depressed a week before my birthday. Then it was two weeks, three and now it's up to a month of severe depression.
Don't get me wrong, I try to make my birthdays enjoyable. I get myself a present (when I can afford it). Hell, I go through a lot of trouble. I get a haircut (the expensive kind not Quick Cuts) a new shirt and pants (sometimes even new under ware). I get all dressed up and preened like I was going to go on a really hot date.
Thing is, it's not a hot date. It's just me.
I no longer have contact with my mother. It has been almost ten years maybe more. It just became too unhealthy a relationship. She liked to verbally castrate me and I believed her. The separation was the right thing to do. But I can't expect an acknowledgment of my birthday (preferably a present considering how many years she totally blew the whole thing off) if we no longer are in contact can I?
My friends try. I feel bad about it. I have some how built up this unattainable idea of what a good birthday is that now no one is able to live up to the expectation. Every year I come up with my ultimate birthday gift. One I am completely aware I would never receive but one I truly want.
I guess this ultimate gift really was invented because I became so disappointed by birthdays now I can at least have a reason as to why I seem disappointed.
Now here I am.
Midway.
I've been depressed for two weeks already so it will make this year the longest. A month and a half. I'm not where I want to be in life. The ultimate gift is actually more reasonable this year than it ever has been. In years past I have wanted a house, a condo on a beach, a car, a two week cruise to Australia. This year I want a year's tuition to college, a 20% down payment for a house or a trip to see Machu Pichu in Central America (okay, so that one is the most expensive, yeah the type of house I want is generally less than most people's yearly salary so it isn't that much, but a guy has gotta have dreams).
I know I am in control of my own life. Or in control as much as anyone can be so if I am not happy with my life only I can change it. I guess it's mostly just that I have tried to have a different kind of birthday every year and never had a good one. I am just tired of trying anymore. Life can be exhausting.
I have done one thing different this year.
It has been twenty-seven years since I have seen, spoken to or had any correspondence with my biological father. I looked him up and wrote a letter. In it I stated my birthday was approaching and it was important to me to receive some response before it gets here.
I would like to believe that twenty-seven years of missed birthdays and Xmases would warrant a kick ass birthday gift but I am a realist.
I fear the contact I receive will be minimal with my biological father professing poverty. (NOTE: I only mentioned my birthday was quickly approaching and because it was an important birthday it seemed the time to attempt contact with him. I NEVER mentioned anything about money.) I fear disappointment is rapidly approaching. This year quite possibly a greater amount of disappointment than ever.
On the plus side, my birthday is only one day. Twenty-four hours. It will be over and I will have a whole year to forget about it.
Wish me luck.
I call it 'Midway' day.
There is not a lot of happiness associated with this day. It's special every year but this year it's actually something bigger. Every year it is a disappointment, to say the least. I fear this year it may be even worse.
Yeah, you probably figured out I am talking about my birthday. Every year since I can remember this day (my birthday) has been anywhere from mildly annoying to disastrous.
For example, there were at least three, not two, not one, birthdays while I was a teenager my birthday was completely forgotten by everyone except me. There was another (beyond the three I just mentioned) that was forgotten and I made the mistake of bringing it up and pointing out the others that were forgotten.
Yeah, the mistake. It was a mistake because I was verbally castrated for mentioning it. The main argument was that the birthday was not forgotten it was celebrated. Problem was when the birthday was described in detail to prove I was wrong the birthday described was in fact my sister's not mine. Me and my big mouth pointed that out. The next year at least my mother was kind enough to tell me she was not going to celebrate my birthday that year. At least then it couldn't be said it was forgotten.
After high school I entered the Navy. My first birthday in the Navy I received no letters, cards or phone calls. No one knew it was my birthday.
My second I was out in the middle of the Atlantic. I watched as everyone around me opened packages from family, friends and what not. Packages received just because the person was missed not for any special reason. I got a phone bill in the mail.
By my third birthday in the Navy my friends in the military actually tried to celebrate my birthday. It was not a bad year. People actually cared that year (okay, so they were more concerned about having a reason to get drunk but I'm easy to please by this point.)
My mother actually told me we would celebrate my birthday when I came home to visit. It seemed maybe she had changed a little.
I returned to her home for a visit and no mention was made about my birthday. I waited, waited, waited, oh and I waited. No card, no cupcake. Nothing. The day before I was set to return to Florida I brought it up. I was told I was being selfish and no such promise was ever made.
From then on I expected nothing for my birthday. Not even for people to notice. It seemed though, the more I tried to pretend it wasn't important to me the more important it was. I got to where I would begin becoming desperately depressed a week before my birthday. Then it was two weeks, three and now it's up to a month of severe depression.
Don't get me wrong, I try to make my birthdays enjoyable. I get myself a present (when I can afford it). Hell, I go through a lot of trouble. I get a haircut (the expensive kind not Quick Cuts) a new shirt and pants (sometimes even new under ware). I get all dressed up and preened like I was going to go on a really hot date.
Thing is, it's not a hot date. It's just me.
I no longer have contact with my mother. It has been almost ten years maybe more. It just became too unhealthy a relationship. She liked to verbally castrate me and I believed her. The separation was the right thing to do. But I can't expect an acknowledgment of my birthday (preferably a present considering how many years she totally blew the whole thing off) if we no longer are in contact can I?
My friends try. I feel bad about it. I have some how built up this unattainable idea of what a good birthday is that now no one is able to live up to the expectation. Every year I come up with my ultimate birthday gift. One I am completely aware I would never receive but one I truly want.
I guess this ultimate gift really was invented because I became so disappointed by birthdays now I can at least have a reason as to why I seem disappointed.
Now here I am.
Midway.
I've been depressed for two weeks already so it will make this year the longest. A month and a half. I'm not where I want to be in life. The ultimate gift is actually more reasonable this year than it ever has been. In years past I have wanted a house, a condo on a beach, a car, a two week cruise to Australia. This year I want a year's tuition to college, a 20% down payment for a house or a trip to see Machu Pichu in Central America (okay, so that one is the most expensive, yeah the type of house I want is generally less than most people's yearly salary so it isn't that much, but a guy has gotta have dreams).
I know I am in control of my own life. Or in control as much as anyone can be so if I am not happy with my life only I can change it. I guess it's mostly just that I have tried to have a different kind of birthday every year and never had a good one. I am just tired of trying anymore. Life can be exhausting.
I have done one thing different this year.
It has been twenty-seven years since I have seen, spoken to or had any correspondence with my biological father. I looked him up and wrote a letter. In it I stated my birthday was approaching and it was important to me to receive some response before it gets here.
I would like to believe that twenty-seven years of missed birthdays and Xmases would warrant a kick ass birthday gift but I am a realist.
I fear the contact I receive will be minimal with my biological father professing poverty. (NOTE: I only mentioned my birthday was quickly approaching and because it was an important birthday it seemed the time to attempt contact with him. I NEVER mentioned anything about money.) I fear disappointment is rapidly approaching. This year quite possibly a greater amount of disappointment than ever.
On the plus side, my birthday is only one day. Twenty-four hours. It will be over and I will have a whole year to forget about it.
Wish me luck.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Oil and Gas
Today the Congress has held a hearing on the ever rising price of fuel. All fuel. This hearing is with the big execs from big oil. Over and over the executives say it is supply and demand issue. Not enough supply for the demand. This means the price inevitably goes up.
Problem is whenever the Congress asks the big execs why haven't they increased gas production in the U.S. more than the current 81% of current refinery output the BOE (big oil exec)adamantly say it is because there is no call for it. The demand for gas has gone down in the U.S. and there is a surplus at the current 81% so increasing supply would severely under cut the company's profits.
Now wait a minute. They started out by saying supply and demand is causing the high prices. Too much demand and not enough supply. Now they (BOE) are saying there is a surplus in the American supply and the demand is going down.
Correct me if I am wrong but if the demand is going down and the supply is in surplus isn't that the opposite of too much demand and not enough supply? When this inconsistency was pointed out they (BOE) hurriedly begin to say the world demand is up and the world supply is down thusly increasing the price.
Unfortunately that doesn't work either. Yes China and India are now demanding more and more oil which you would think increases the world demand but studies show that Europe and the U.S./Canada have decreased our demand substantially. So maybe the supply is much less then?
Problem is, it isn't. Russia produces more oil than it has ever before and OPEC is currently producing at some of the highest levels it ever has. Not to mention Canada, the U.S., Norway, Denmark, Venezuela and Mexico are all producing more than they have ever before.
So let's look at it again.
The world is producing more oil than it has ever in history. Although some countries have increased demand many have decreased their demand. At best demand is not increasing or decreasing but in a state of stasis (non movement). So why IS the price of gas so high?
Collusion, price fixing, artificially inflated prices due to speculative commodities brokers. That's where the price of oil actually comes from. Don't let anyone tell you differently. The problem is how do you or I get that fixed or at least under some control? The speculative commodities brokers are part of the most powerful people of America. You know, Wall Street money. Billion dollar hedge fund managers. If you want them under control you must regulate more closely the investing world of our economy. That's dangerous and difficult.
Dangerous in that it could become over regulated and the economy suffers. Dangerous because it could drive these billion dollar investors to other markets taking their money with them. Which would me out of the U.S. economy. Dangerous because it could destabilize hedge funds which are the primary source of retirement for millions of Americans. One day Judy Smith's retirement is safely set aside, the next this school teacher from Minnesota is now left without a retirement.
Difficult because all the money and power these investors wield over Congress and the Senate. Difficult because all the sway with law makers these billion dollar hedge fund managers have. Difficult because there are a great many people who truly believe a free market, totally free of any regulation at all, is the ONLY way to go. These people believe it like a religion.
So then we are left where we started. Congress holding hearings with powerful oil executives to attempt to reign in collusion and price fixing.
I guess until regular people stand up and force change (yeah like Obama is really going to change anything?) nothing will. Might as well get use to $5 a gallon regular gas because that's where we are going to be by the time anyone actually reads this post. Funny part is these hedge fund managers, speculative commodities brokers, politicians and big oil executives will never truly feel the pain of the price of gas. There is just too much money in between them and the strain of energy. Aint that a kick in the teeth?
Problem is whenever the Congress asks the big execs why haven't they increased gas production in the U.S. more than the current 81% of current refinery output the BOE (big oil exec)adamantly say it is because there is no call for it. The demand for gas has gone down in the U.S. and there is a surplus at the current 81% so increasing supply would severely under cut the company's profits.
Now wait a minute. They started out by saying supply and demand is causing the high prices. Too much demand and not enough supply. Now they (BOE) are saying there is a surplus in the American supply and the demand is going down.
Correct me if I am wrong but if the demand is going down and the supply is in surplus isn't that the opposite of too much demand and not enough supply? When this inconsistency was pointed out they (BOE) hurriedly begin to say the world demand is up and the world supply is down thusly increasing the price.
Unfortunately that doesn't work either. Yes China and India are now demanding more and more oil which you would think increases the world demand but studies show that Europe and the U.S./Canada have decreased our demand substantially. So maybe the supply is much less then?
Problem is, it isn't. Russia produces more oil than it has ever before and OPEC is currently producing at some of the highest levels it ever has. Not to mention Canada, the U.S., Norway, Denmark, Venezuela and Mexico are all producing more than they have ever before.
So let's look at it again.
The world is producing more oil than it has ever in history. Although some countries have increased demand many have decreased their demand. At best demand is not increasing or decreasing but in a state of stasis (non movement). So why IS the price of gas so high?
Collusion, price fixing, artificially inflated prices due to speculative commodities brokers. That's where the price of oil actually comes from. Don't let anyone tell you differently. The problem is how do you or I get that fixed or at least under some control? The speculative commodities brokers are part of the most powerful people of America. You know, Wall Street money. Billion dollar hedge fund managers. If you want them under control you must regulate more closely the investing world of our economy. That's dangerous and difficult.
Dangerous in that it could become over regulated and the economy suffers. Dangerous because it could drive these billion dollar investors to other markets taking their money with them. Which would me out of the U.S. economy. Dangerous because it could destabilize hedge funds which are the primary source of retirement for millions of Americans. One day Judy Smith's retirement is safely set aside, the next this school teacher from Minnesota is now left without a retirement.
Difficult because all the money and power these investors wield over Congress and the Senate. Difficult because all the sway with law makers these billion dollar hedge fund managers have. Difficult because there are a great many people who truly believe a free market, totally free of any regulation at all, is the ONLY way to go. These people believe it like a religion.
So then we are left where we started. Congress holding hearings with powerful oil executives to attempt to reign in collusion and price fixing.
I guess until regular people stand up and force change (yeah like Obama is really going to change anything?) nothing will. Might as well get use to $5 a gallon regular gas because that's where we are going to be by the time anyone actually reads this post. Funny part is these hedge fund managers, speculative commodities brokers, politicians and big oil executives will never truly feel the pain of the price of gas. There is just too much money in between them and the strain of energy. Aint that a kick in the teeth?
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